Some of the things often said to parents after a loss is, “Well, at least you know you can get pregnant” or “It’s okay, you can always have another baby.”
I’m not even going to BEGIN to go into all the reasons why you should avoid saying the above statements to a bereaved family. But I am going to say something that isn’t always acknowledged — not all families get a rainbow baby.
That’s such a heavy truth.
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A rainbow baby is a term used to describe a child born after miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss.
These babies are stunning bits of promise after a storm, a collision of both sun and rain alike. Resounding with hope and promise, they appear after a monsoon of grief. As life breaks forth within, these little ones bring with them shimmering swaths of delight. They live up to their name, these beautiful, rainbow children of ours.
But they weren’t the first ones to light up the sky.
Because if the babies born after loss are rainbows, then the ones we lost must be lightning.
My best friend arrived at the door armed with Christmas presents, sugar cookies, and lunch supplies. I sat on the couch, a hand pressed tightly against my abdomen, and watched as she navigated her way around my kitchen. She didn’t have to be here on her day off, bearing platefuls of crispy grilled cheese and creamy tomato soup, but when she’d heard I was miscarrying she’d offered to help.
My son and her swapped Christmas presents while we waited for lunch: a slightly wonky snowman ornament for her and a wrapped parcel for him. He didn’t need much encouragement to rip his way through the paper and uncover the new toy underneath. He could barely contain his two-year-old enthusiasm.
The toy was colourful, wooden, and in the shape of a semi-circle: a beautifully, handcrafted rainbow.