October: Grief Chat

Hey everyone!

I just wanted to write a quick little note and thank you all for hanging out with me this past month as we’ve talked about grief and pregnancy loss. (If you’ve been following along on my blog and on Facebook, you know that this is a topic we’ve covered extensively this month!) I’ve really appreciated you sharing your hearts and your stories with me. October may be Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Month, but families grieve all year round, and so I especially want to thank all of you who have chosen to intentionally stand alongside those who mourn.

It’s not easy to talk about grief. We don’t like to think about pain and death, and we prefer to tuck these not-so-palatable topics away out of sight. Often times we associate grief with weakness or depression (two other words that make people very uncomfortable!) But it’s important to know that we all experience grief at different points in our lives – and if we haven’t yet, we will.

I hope that by talking about grief, we learn that it is not something to be afraid of or ashamed of. In seasons of grief, we can learn so much more about the deep-rooted love and faithfulness of Christ, about His ultimate sacrifice for us, and about what it means to live with an eternal perspective. When we start to climb back up the mountain it’s easy to forget the lessons we’ve learned in the valley, but I pray that whether we stand in the sunshine or in the rain, we will continue to cling to that desperate dependency on Christ.

This month, you’ve heard me talk a lot about “breaking the silence.” But what does that even mean? What do we accomplish by sharing our stories? What do we find when we speak out about our innermost hurts and heartbreaks?

We find freedom.

Freedom to let go, and to let Christ redeem these feelings of failure, shame, and fear. We give voice to the hurting and shed light on an area that has been smeared by darkness for far too long. We don’t speak for the sake of hearing our own voice, we speak to hear the voice of One who has called us to go forth with boldness and glorify Him in all that we do.

When we break the silence, we need to break it with truth. Truth that shatters death. Truth that speaks of a God who sent His only Son to die on a wooden cross and then defeat that very death, that we may live. Truth that does not point to us but points back to the author and creator of these good stories.

Because they are good. 

Even the story’s soggiest, most tear-stained pages have been written by a faithful and just God who sees what we cannot. A God who steadfastly walks beside us on our darkest days and says, “I’m here.” We have yet to see the fullness of His story, of the work that is being done — and yet, we can trust that because it belongs to Him, it is good. It can be easy to make these stories about us, to focus inwards rather than upwards; but I pray that as we walk through these difficult days, that Christ will be glorified evermore.

It’s not easy to pray the prayer, “Your will be done,” and to truly mean it. We hold tight to our illusions of control; we think we could write a better story. But as we break the silence with the truth of Christ, we bear witness to our deep sorrows and say, “Even so, it is well with my soul.”

Even so, You are good.

“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! According to his great mercy, he has caused us to be born again to a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, to an inheritance that is imperishable, undefiled, and unfading, kept in heaven for you, who by God’s power are being guarded through faith for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you rejoice, though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been grieved by various trials, so that the tested genuineness of your faith—more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire—may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ. Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory, obtaining the outcome of your faith, the salvation of your souls.” 1 Peter 1:3-9 (ESV)