Day 7: Your Motherhood Story

{October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, share YOUR messy, imperfect, but beautiful motherhood story with the hashtag #thismotherhoodstory.}

Journal Prompt: What does your motherhood story look like? Use the #thismotherhoodstory to share it with us! What do you want others to know about pregnancy loss?

I am the mother of six, much-loved babies but you can only see one.

This is a part of my motherhood story.

It’s not always pretty. It’s full of countless sleepless nights and pillows damp with tears. It’s full of days crouched by a tiny grave, the damp grass sticking to my sneakers and soaking into the hem of my jeans. It’s full of missed anniversaries and hearts that ache with the ebb and flow of babies from my womb. But it’s also full of hope.

I never thought that I’d be here. I never dreamed that I’d have to say “good-bye” to more children than I ever said “hello” to. None of us have a perfect motherhood story. We just have this motherhood story.

If you’re reading this, it’s more than likely that loss has been a part of your motherhood story too.

This isn’t the story you would have chosen for yourself but this is the one you’ve been given: a story full of bumps and scrapes and hearts that ache from both the laughter and the tears. Like ourselves, this story is imperfect — and that’s okay, because real life isn’t perfect.

Just because you don’t have a baby in your arms doesn’t mean that you’re not still their mother. Mothering through loss means loving even when it hurts. It means mourning for as long and as loud you need to. It means celebrating and remembering even when you feel no one else does. It means saying their name, a little louder each time, breaking the silence that settles into pregnancy and infant loss.

There is nothing to be ashamed of about pregnancy loss. You may feel like your body failed you, you may feel crushed and bloodied, but you are still standing. You have been struck down but you have not been destroyed. You have walked through fire and come out the other side strengthened and refined.

If your love alone could have saved this child, it would have. You fought for them, prayed for them, and wept over them. To the ends of your days you will carry this love, you will never forget.

Grieving mamas, let’s wear #thismotherhoodstory with confidence. Let’s break the silence and show the world the heights and depths of love, the beauty that defies boundaries, and the strength found in a community of aching but proud mothers.

You’ve got this.

This is your story: let’s hear it. 

Thank you for joining us on this week-long series about life after pregnancy loss. We would love to continue this conversation with you and I invite you to follow along with Stefanie and myself on our blogs or social media. October may be “Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month” but grieving families mourn all year long — lets continue the conversation. Let’s end the silence.

Missed a Journal Prompt? Find them here:

Day One: A Letter to Your Baby
Day Two: Pregnancy After Loss
Day Three: Postpartum Depression
Day Four: Faith & the Psalms
Day Five: Helping Your Children Grieve
Day Six: Naming Your Baby