Site icon Liz Mannegren

6 Ways to Help a Family in Need

We were grieving the loss of our firstborn while spending all of our energy and time at the hospital with a preemie son. We were drained emotionally and physically. We needed help.

Although we received an abundance of support and assistance from family and a few close friends, we often failed to grab hold of additional help offered from those beyond our intimate circle. Over and over again we heard individuals say, “If there’s anything I can do to help, let me know!” but we struggled to take people up on that offer. Like most families who have recently had a new baby, we were already completely overwhelmed. Add grief and a sick infant on top of that and it was almost impossible to organize our own help.

I too am guilty of offering ambiguous help to new parents. I understand why we say it; we don’t want to overstep bounds but we want them to know we care. We don’t want to offend anyone by assuming that they need help (after all, in our society we can do everything on our own – right?) We’re eager to help but just don’t know how, so we offer the all encompassing, open ended “anything…” and tack on a “let me know!” so as not to add any pressure.

The problem is that it’s difficult to know precisely what an individual means when they offer to help with “anything.” You’ll do anything? Are you willing to clean my toilet? Take my hypothetical dog for a walk? Pay my rent for the month so my husband can take time off work? You offered to help but what if you were just being polite? What if it’s too much for me to ask you to make a meal or drive me to the hospital?

Unless the individual was a close family member or part of our wedding party, we felt uncomfortable taking them up on offers of assistance unless they clearly defined what they wanted to help with.

Our suggestion for helping out a family in need: clearly state the way you would like to help.

If you really don’t mind doing anything, then help us out by giving some suggestions to take you up on. “I would really love to help out by cooking you a meal or washing your floor! Is this something that you need?” It was easy for us to accept (or decline) offers that were worded this way because we knew exactly what and how much an individual was willing to give.

Being clear about your offer to help also opens up conversation. Even if a family doesn’t need what you’re offering, they may share other areas in which they would love support. Having a genuine discussion with them about their needs, rather than a quick one-lined offer, may make them more comfortable in asking for help when they need it.

So how do we help out new / grieving parents or those with a child in the hospital? Here are just a few ideas that we personally found beneficial.

HOW CAN I HELP?

1. Food: Food is probably one of the best ways to help out new or grieving families. Driving back and forth to the hospital multiple times per day made it difficult to schedule time to pick up groceries, let alone cook them. Often my husband and I forgot to eat. While this got me back to my pre-pregnancy weight in record time, I wouldn’t recommend using this weight loss plan.

2. Giftcards: Dealing with the loss of a baby or an unexpectedly long hospital stay effects a family’s finances. Giftcards are always helpful as they can be used at any time and can be a huge blessing. A giftcard doesn’t have to be expensive, yet still lets the family know that you’re thinking of them.

3. Helping around the home: Most people aren’t comfortable asking you to come clean their home but, let’s face it, when you’re taking care of a newborn or driving back and forth to the hospital, cleaning your toilet is low on your priority list.  Tip: offer to pitch in and hire a one time cleaning company, the family may be more comfortable having strangers scrub the baby puke off their floor. 

4. Parking at the hospital is expensive! If a family is in for an extended stay and has a vehicle, designate money towards a parking pass. 

5. Babysitting: If a family has older children at home and a baby in the hospital, they’re probably juggling visitations between them and would appreciate some extra help. For parents dealing with loss, they may also just need some time alone together to grieve.

6. Prayer & Encouragement: While we personally weren’t up for a lot of visitors right away, we felt super blessed just knowing that people were thinking and praying for us. A quick message, text or email meant a lot to us.

Obviously these suggestions won’t work for every family as each situation is unique. Help comes in many forms and for new parents, encouragement and genuine conversation is always the best place to start.

 

 


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